2010!

I’ve just spent 2 deliciously chilled out days with friends in Bushmills celebrating the New Year. We headed for the beach yesterday and had a bracing dander along Portstewart Strand – despite the chilliness (what a contrast to 3 weeks ago when I was sunning myself on a S African beach!) the views were worth it, the craic was mighty and it was a really great way to embrace the New Year.

2009 didn’t exactly turn out the way I’d hoped but I’ve got loads to be thankful for, not least good friends and family who bring a joy that goes deep. I was blessed to be able to get a job so soon after my contract with PCI YAC finishing in June, and although the new job is a little all-consuming at times I relish the challenges, I get to work with some great people and the learning is immense. Getting to travel to S Africa with work is also not to be sniffed at! Looking out from the standpoint of a New Year, I’m hopeful about 2010 - maybe my hip will finally get fixed and I’ll get into the hills or on the river once again, regardless I’m determined to be positive and take what comes.

Happy New Year folks!

Well I have made it home safe and sound and I’ve even managed to avoid jetlag. My last 5 days in Arizona were fairly relaxed. On the Thursday I went to Walnut Canyon just outside Flagstaff. It’s the site of cliff dwellings built deep into the canyon walls where the Sinagua people lived more than 700 years ago. There’s an Island Trail which takes you 240 steps down into the canyon to see some of these dwellings. Unfortunately there was a major rockfall last December and since then the trail has been closed for repair so all I got was a short dander along the rim, but it’s a pretty place.

I pretty much faffed round Flagstaff the rest of the day – read magazines and sipped tea in a café etc. Then I drove to my brother’s place about 2½ hours drive away near Show Low. It was great to see my bro, niece and nephews again as well meet their friends. Friends of Robert’s - John & Denise - were putting me up and I got settled in there. They have a beautiful home with amazing views from their deck. It was tough to look at everyday! You can see a little creek that runs straight through, apparently one of the few creeks which flows all year round, you could even hear it from the deck.
Their home is also a bit of a menagerie – I counted 5 dogs, 3 cats, 2 goldfish, a plec fish (one of those algae eating fish that cleans fishtanks), a parrot, a cockatiel and they also own a number of chickens, geese and goats! One of their dogs is a beautiful white husky, but the poor thing is not exactly meant to endure Arizona heat!

On Friday I helped out with wedding preparations. Somehow I got put into the creative team so found myself decorating the garage, parcelling favours etc, and despite feeling that I’m not the most creative person I actually managed not to mess anything up too badly! My sister Jenny and her hubby arrived that day so they brought a digital camera Dad lent me for the wedding. They also stayed with John & Denise and we were shown the most amazing hospitality. Denise is a great cook and we had the most amazing breakfasts and dinners together.

So Saturday was the wedding, but not until 4pm which gave me plenty of time to get my glad rags on. For those who haven’t seen me in a skirt before, here I am in all my glory (please note that I even painted my toenails, I can count on the one hand how many times I’ve done this in my life and I hope you appreciate the effort I went to here!!!)
The ceremony was quite simple but beautiful and the new husband and wife looked great and were very happy indeed. They got married on decking which had been built by friends on the Friday! We ate outside in the garden which was really pretty, especially as the sun went down. I gave a hand with getting the food put out but managed to burn my hand in the process so had to keep running into the kitchen to stick my hand in a saucepan of icecubes! After the main course there were speeches which went really well. Considering the tragedy of losing Paddy in May everyone did really well. We missed her, but I think she would have been really happy with the day and her kids and hubby did her proud. She was remembered and honoured and the whole day was about celebration. I think what Ben and Zoey have done in stepping out into marriage together is a reflection of Robert & Paddy’s influence and example. So the dancing got going after the speeches in the garage and everybody had a great time.
Sunday was a very lazy day. Denise made an amazing brunch for us and all Robert’s family and the new couple. Jenny & Harry had brought over some good Irish bread – soda farls, potato bread etc – so we fried it too, but it was quite entertaining watching folks stick bits of cheese on top of the soda bread and munching away!

So there you go, that was it, a great trip, great to see family again and celebrate a very special occasion with Ben & Zoey. Hopefully they’ll get to celebrate their honeymoon in Ireland next summer…and hopefully we’ll actually have a summer!

Processing…
It’s weird to think now that my Mum & Dad’s 50th wedding anniversary would be the last time for the Erwin clan to be all together. You never know what’s round the corner…and it’s probably best that you don’t.

Coming back home was definitely weird, it was good to get home and get rested up and I guess, just get back to normal…but ‘normal’ isn’t quite what it used to be. The people I feel for most are my brother and my nephews and niece…it must be like a bad dream that you never wake up from. I mourn for them.

And yet people are going through this all the time. Death is present in life. It’s a regular feature.

Sorry…perhaps this is somewhat morbid and morose but I’ve got a lot to process and figure out…and I think I’m realising that I just won’t figure it out. There are many questions floating around my head. My question isn’t ‘why’ – I accept that even life in all its fullness includes sorrows as well as joys, and no matter how much I’d like to be, I’m not in control, it’s not even my job to be.

At the moment I’m trying to avoid the question of where God was when that car spun out of control and collided head-on with Paddy. I guess if I started that then I’d be asking where God was with so many tragedies and atrocities in the lives of individuals, communities and nations down through the ages. I’m not sure that’s productive. I can also hear the cliché that is often quick to respond to those kinds of questions – that of course God was there, that he was feeling the suffering too…but sometimes the pat answers just don’t scratch the itch. So I think I really do want to know what God’s take on all this is, what’s he thinking? Where in the room is he standing? What’s it all about?

A number of weeks ago I came across verses in Isaiah in which Eugene Peterson paraphrases God describing himself in the following way:

“I’m first on the scene. I’m also the last to leave.” (Isaiah 41:4 The Message)

So I’m trying to hold on to God’s promise that he doesn’t walk out on us, that he sticks with us, that he’s in this for the long-haul, that he hasn’t finished yet…that a better day is coming.

…

As I said in my previous post, it was really good to be able to be with my brother and the kids in Arizona. And I guess I could start to relate all that happened that week – the arduous journey, the way our luggage got lost and didn’t turn up for 4 days, the fact that I got flu, the chance to experience the desert landscapes of Arizona complete with cacti and juniper trees…but really so much of that, although difficult and trying, was inconsequential. What was important was just being there. It really was special to be with my bro and the kids. We’ve only really seen each other a number of times in the last 16 years since they emigrated to Canada, and I guess a situation like this is pretty intense, so people come together all the more. And actually the craic was good. There’s always banter in our family and even in the midst of loss, there we were winding each other up. I don’t know if that’s a Northern Irish trait but I think it’s a good one. In the back yard at Robert’s they have a fire-pit so there were a couple of nights when the boys got that going and we sat round, chatting, reminiscing, Karl strumming a few tunes on his guitar. Those were the kind of nights Paddy had always loved, having people round for a good night’s craic…There is definitely power in the ministry of presence.

It was also great to meet many of Robert and Paddy’s friends, colleagues and neighbours and hear how highly they spoke of the pair of them. We met some great people and it is comforting to know that there are good people looking out for him. We were blessed by tremendous hospitality. I can be as guilty as the next person for slagging off Americans for being loud or arrogant and all that, but we experienced nothing but generosity and warm-heartedness during our stay. A case in point is the fact that friends of Robert’s secretary, who don’t know us from Adam and whom we never actually got to meet during our visit, gave my parents, my sister and I the run of their holiday home located less than 10 minutes’ drive from Robert’s place. This was such a godsend particularly with the loss of our luggage meaning we could use all their washing and drying facilities. We were also struck by the kindness of strangers at the funeral, when immediately after the service as all the family stood in the line at the door, we were given warm hugs by the vast majority of the folks attending. Here in NI we’re pretty reserved and, I guess, stoic. Maybe that has its place but I’ve a feeling we hold back too much, we’re preoccupied with personal space and keeping a ‘stiff upper lip’.

Probably the most significant thing about the trip was the opportunity to get a sense of seeing through Paddy’s eyes. It was my first time to be at Robert & Paddy’s home in Arizona since they moved there about 4 years ago. And I can totally see why Paddy loved it. The landscape is amazing, the sky is huge, the sun shines hot and bright, there’s a great sense of space …and freedom …and discovery …and adventure. The work that girl had done in their garden was astounding. She’d built with her own hands all these stonewalls – at 4ft 11 she packed a punch, she probably had the strength and commitment of 2 men! She had been working hard in the garden to make it ready for Ben & Zoey’s wedding in September and although it’s still a work-in-progress it’s beautiful. I don’t know, but every time I think of that garden it just gets me.

…

At Paddy’s funeral, Robert asked me to do a prayer. I wanted to bring God’s truth, I wanted to encapsulate something of Paddy and I wanted to intercede. So this was my attempt with God’s help to do that:

Lord of all creation, of water, earth and sky – we have entered a long night in the loss of Paddy – wife, mother, sister, daughter, sister-in-law, friend and colleague. God of all comfort, would you bring your comfort to us as we walk this valley. May we have hope in the knowledge that Paddy has entered a new morning. A morning which surpasses anything on this earth – a morning with greater vistas, broader horizons, deeper canyons, fresher wells, prettier flowers, more adventures to be had, and even greater works to do.

We love because you, Lord, first loved us. And through Paddy we experienced that amazing love. Thank you that we were loved by so wonderful a person. We do not want the passage of time to dull our memories of Paddy but rather may our senses be heightened to her impact on our lives and may our memories of her become even fresher and more vivid.

It is written that those who mourn are comforted and are called blessed because of the comfort that comes. Would you now surround Robert, Ben & Zoey, Laura, Karl and Joshua, Sheelagh and Bronagh, and Paddy’s mother, Mary, with your loving presence. Come to them with all your tenderness and gentleness, and bring them peace.

In Jesus’ name, Amen

I’ve been trying to figure out what comfort is. The word rolls off the tongue so easily but somehow it’s hard to quantify, it’s not exactly tangible…yet God has been described as the God of all comfort. Maybe others who have down this road before and have felt loss even more keenly than I, can testify to the power of good memories in bringing comfort. But I can see that Robert will find comfort in looking round the garden and seeing the work of Paddy’s hands, the stone walls she built, the flowerbeds she set out, the wells she dug, and also in watching his kids grow and mature, they’re great kids and Paddy was a great mother. She made her mark on this earth in so many ways that is for sure. Robert, Ben & Zoey, Laura, Karl & Josh will carry that with them.

PS. Thanks to all who have prayed and shared messages of sympathy.

Well this month I’ve been to the USA twice. The first time was a work trip to Texas which I’ll write about at a later point, and last night I just got back from the second trip…

On Wednesday 21st May my sister-in-law, Paddy, was killed in a freak motorbike accident near her and my brother’s home in Arizona. She was 52 years old. They have 4 kids – Ben (24), Laura (23), Karl (19) and Josh (17). Ben is due to be getting married to Zoey in September. Robert & Paddy would have been married 25 years in October. It’s absolutely devastating. It’s been a horrendous week, but it was good to be with my bro and the kids for the funeral. When I’ve got over the jetlag etc I’ll maybe write a bit more.

50

Tomorrow is my parents' 50th wedding anniversary so the whole family (21 of us including spouses & children) got together last Friday night to celebrate. My brother and his wife and kids who live in the USA/Canada also came home for the big 'do'. A very special occasion.

From North to South, to East, West & back again



Life has been all go in the last couple of weeks. Two weeks ago I was getting wined and dined at Dublin Castle for a Reconciliation Networking Conference – there was an evening reception in the State Apartments then the following day’s programme included panel discussions on a variety of topics including reconciliation work with young people. Some interesting perspectives and some good speakers so it was definitely worth the trip. But I think I need to perfect my networking skills! I travelled with Rev Liz Hughes of Whitehouse Presby and she was great at introducing me to people, so we both passed ourselves off respectably.

Last week was a really good week in work because I felt like I was getting stuff accomplished and ticked off! At the moment I’m doing a lot of marketing/PR/admin kind of stuff so not seeing any young people which is kind of strange and certainly it’s not the kind of work I ever really expected to be doing. But I’ve got into the swing of things a lot better in the last couple of weeks and am quite enjoying it all. It’s a new challenge and there’s plenty to get my teeth into which is good.

Then last Friday my Dad went into hospital with suspected meningitis. Thankfully he’s home now and has responded really well to antibiotics so is on the mend, but things were a bit scary over the first 24 hours. I headed off to Aberdeen on Saturday for my holidays – there wasn’t anything I could have done at home so I just kept in regular contact with my Mum and big sis Jenny, a nurse and the family medical expert – very good at keeping us all calm!





Aberdeen…was great! A cousin has just moved up there this year so it was really good to spend time with her, her hubby, their 19-month old son, James (such a wee pet, I could have taken him home!!!), and Boo-Boo the dog (I question how a pitbull terrier can have any credibility with a name like Boo Boo but he doesn’t seem to mind too much). My cousin is such a good cook so I was well fed in-between sessions of reading books to James and watching recurrent episodes of Noddy! We had a good dander along the beach at Cruden Bay on Sunday and the weather was actually warm enough to wear shorts – something that didn’t happen too often when I was at uni there! I also got the chance to catch up with some folks from the church I attended during my uni days which as always was really special and reminded me of how much I love and miss Aberdeen. It’s such a nice part of the world with some fantastic people. Unfortunately we ran out of time to visit my old haunts at the King's College campus (see below) in Old Aberdeen – I used to absolutely love every day walking into campus, but hopefully I’ll fit that in the next time.



I arrived home on Wednesday – I’m now very glad that my flight wasn’t booked for yesterday as it turned out to be a nightmare for travellers in airports all over the place. My 14-year old niece was heading off to the States on Wednesday to help another cousin with her 3 children and although they had delays and hold-ups with immigration, they got there safely, we would have been freaking out completely if they’d been travelling yesterday.

Today I headed to Donegal to do a few errands for my parents. Managed to fit in a quick walk on the beach and missed the rainshowers – great to get the cobwebs blown away! So in one week I’ve managed to see both the North Sea & the Atlantic Ocean.



And finally the most exciting news is that I’m an aunty for the 9th time! Baby Sophia arrived into the world this afternoon weighing in at 7lb 2oz. My big bro Michael is quite possibly the happiest man alive today. Congrats to him & mum Joan. I’m looking forward to seeing them all.

…and actually I think I’m looking forward to life calming down in the Erwin household!

Legacy
Today I was at my parent’s church for the first time my Aunt Lily died back in January. Two members of the congregation have taken over the responsibility for the music and are doing a great job. One of the girls, Gillian, was playing today and I was so impressed. Playing an organ is not easy, especially when you’re used to playing piano. I can’t remember the name of the first hymn we sang today, even though I was brought up singing it from I was a wee’un! But actually I got a bit choked up in the last verse because Gillian changed the tone (I’m sure there’s a proper term for it but it escapes me) she was using just the way Aunt Lily did in the last verse of a hymn and it just struck me how much of a legacy Lily has left. She was so good at encouraging young people in the church, especially those with musical ability. It’s humbling to think that she has passed so much on to the next generation.

Madness of the summer, being security conscience and riding big waves!
Man, the last couple of weeks have been hectic, it’s been good fun. Got my mental health assignment completed and dispatched, happy days – no more studying till the autumn, even better! I took my niece along to SummerMadness on the Saturday evening and Sunday during the day. She has never been to anything like it before and loved it, and has already told her friends all about it so they can go together next year. It was cool to spend time with her and treat her. SM ’06 was my first since leaving YFC and to be honest I found it a bit strange. I think SM is an amazing event, I’ve seen what it does for young people, we had some serious craic bringing kids up from Dungannon for the whole weekend and it was a privilege to watch them respond to God. So there’s a lot of good memories there, but somehow those memories are tainted with a bit of bittersweetness. I guess I just miss being involved in the lives of young people and having the opportunity to pastor and disciple them, and simply be there. I miss the ‘good old days’ of being in YFC and I still hate the fact that I had to leave the way I did. And as well as that SM can be a bit of a ‘who’s who’ of the NI Christian community which sometimes can be a bit intimidating…Heigh-ho.

During this past week I was doing security for Streetreach on Wednesday, Thursday & Friday nights after work – signing kids in and out, which actually was a good laugh and we managed to encourage the Streetreachers to ‘tithe’ a fair bit of grub to us!

Then today, was the canoe club’s sea kayaking trip. 13 of us, 4 kids going in tandem kayaks with their parents, the rest of us in single kayaks. We were supposed to be heading off from Newcastle, paddling along the coast to camp at Cranfield for the night before finishing off with another wee paddle tomorrow. However…things didn’t exactly go to plan. Well, we all made it Annalong harbour where we were putting in. But it takes forever sorting boats and gear out, and placing cars strategically along the route inland in case of emergencies etc so we didn’t get into the water until after 3pm, by which stage the rain was on and the wind was steadily increasing with WHITE HORSES on the water! Now apparently when there’s white horses on the water it’s only a Force 3 wind, if the white horses get longer, then it’s more of a Force 4 and I think if the waves are breaking onto the water (because they’re being pushed over by the wind) then that’s more of a Force 5. To say that I was nervous was an understatement, but I felt that being the sole adult representative of the female population on the trip (the only other girl there was 10 year old Megan) I needed to keep the side up.

On the water – OH MY WORD - the waves are BIG! There was a big swell, and I think I could have got into the swing of things if it hadn’t been for a couple of big waves which smacked down on top of me, and I lost my balance and capsized. Was able to get back into the boat with a bit of help from one of the guys and set off again, only for the exact same thing to happen to me – skunnered! So set off again, but then it turned out that the whole group was turning round to head back because we realised it was just going to get worse. I was actually relieved – it took so much effort to make even 200 yards! When we got to shore we considered finding somewhere else to do a spot of paddling, but we knew that we’d be restricted to harbours for shelter so decided to call the whole trip off so that we could organise it for another date and enjoy it to the full. Got back about 7.30 tonight & I’m bushed…but it’s ‘good’ tiredness!

City Slicker
I am now a resident of Belfast! I got the keys of my new pad last Thursday and slept there for the first on Saturday night… and I’m loving it! It’s been quite a challenge to fit the contents of a 3-bedroomed semi-detached house into a 2-bedroomed apartment, but I’m getting there and gradually eliminating all the boxes. A few teething problems here and there with my PC, internet access etc, but hopefully I’ll get it sorted properly soon. It’s hard to believe that it was only 7 weeks ago today that I saw the apartment for the first time…and now it’s my home!

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The Family
Last week one of my brothers had a car accident – a guy drove out in front of him. Thankfully my bro was ok, just stiff and sore, but the car was a write-off. On the same day one of my cousin’s, her daughter had a car accident and then a couple of days later, one of my nephews who lives in Vancouver also had a car accident. Thankfully there were no injuries in these accidents either. But what the heck is going on with our family?! Part of me feels like we’re under attack. But then on the other hand God is showing his hand of protection over us which is awesome.

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Time for God to move
Well it looks like my job contract is going to be up at the end of the month. Things could change of course but that’s the lie of the land at the moment. I’m fairly calm about it, I guess the move has been a good distraction. But it’s very scary as my jobseeking to date has not been successful and there’s not a lot out there. I’m under a wee bit of pressure too with the Masters course I’ve been taking as I need to be involved in Youth & Community Work while I’m completing it.

I get a sense that it’s really time for God to move, time for a miracle! There’s part of me which is trying to trust in God, recognise how he works everything out for good for me, how he has plans for my future, how he will equip me to cope with whatever life throws at me. But then there’s another part of me which thinks of all the worst-case scenarios, questions all the decisions I’ve taken in the last year, doubts if God has something in store and whether he’ll come up with the goods or not. I have to remember that at the start of the year I thought I was going to be homeless (well not actually - I would have been living with my Mum & Dad) and now I've got a home - a real answer to prayer! I think I really need to be disciplined in taking time to listen to what God’s saying and doing around me, and if you could send up a prayer for me that would be great!

Death hath lost its sting...
Well it’s been quite a week in the Erwin household yet again. Last Sunday one of my uncles, Uncle Robbie, died following illness, and then on Tuesday morning, my Aunt Lily died very suddenly and unexpectedly. They were brother and sister of my Mum – she had 8 brothers and sisters, now she has 4 left. My Uncle Robbie had been very ill before Christmas, they weren’t sure if he was going to make it then. But from Christmas he had been making really good progress, was able to enjoy Christmas as well as his 87th birthday and was gradually regaining his strength. In fact he had just got his car MOT’d ready for the road – his next goal was to be well enough to go get the paper. But his condition began to deteriorate at the end of last week and he died as he was being admitted to hospital. I hadn’t been particularly close to my Uncle Robbie, but when I was a kid I loved it when he and his wife Connie came round for tea because Uncle Robbie knew loads of card games and we would all sit down for a few games and the craic would be great.

Aunt Lily died peacefully in her sleep – heart failure. She’d had battles with cancer in the past and was due to see her oncologist, but she lived to the end: On Sunday evening past she had my parents, and another of my aunt’s and cousin round for an evening meal and was in great form. She’d been speaking to many people at my Uncle Robbie’s wake and on Monday evening she’d been on the phone to one of her daughters and had sat down for a cup of tea with her son before going to bed then they’d wished each other good night as usual. When her son didn’t hear her get up the following morning, he discovered she was dead. It’s been a big shock for everyone, I still can’t quite believe it, but at the same time we’re so thankful that she went so peacefully and without any suffering. Moreover she is in a wonderful place right now with her Heavenly Father whom she loved and served so faithfully, particularly in the church in which I (and many of our family connection) grew up, as she was the organist for 51 years from the age of 14.

Aunt Lily has left a tremendous legacy. She was great at investing in people – getting many young people involved in helping with providing worship at church, encouraging a love of music in others and she encouraged me when I was learning the piano to help at various services. She had a wealth of biblical knowledge and appreciation with a knack for choosing the right hymn for every occasion and each Sunday she strove to pick something appropriate to the minister’s sermon. Aunt Lily & Uncle Norman’s (her husband died 8 years ago) home was always an open home, people were in and out constantly and Aunt Lily took so much interest in everyone. Our families were always very close. Her youngest daughter was just a couple of years older than me so we spent a lot of our holidays together and I used to stay at her house which I loved because they had a big farm – dairy cattle, sheep, goats, horse, turkeys, banty hens…the lot! I have so many great memories of the good times we all shared together – rolling eggs at Easter, picnics, helping with the milking, fries for breakfast, herding sheep, eating chocolate cake with icecream…There was a lot of banter and craic!

One of my last memories of Aunt Lily is from the day of my Granny’s funeral, when Aunt Lily was of course playing the organ. Before the service started I’d nipped out to the back of the church looking for someone and I looked into the choir-room and came upon Aunt Lily who was sitting with her head bowed leaning on her hand – she was praying, spending time with her Lord committing the service and family circle to Him. That’s a great picture of the person she was. We’ll all miss her.

It feels like we’ve been stuck in some strange kind of timewarp over the last few days. But I love the way our family circle comes together at times like this. There’s just something special about it. Families are very precious things indeed. They can frustrate the life out of you but when it comes to the crunch everyone’s there for each other and that’s so great.

Aunt Lily’s funeral was on Friday – a private one with 60 members of close family and friends gathering. Today there was a memorial service for her and it was truly uplifting although also very emotional. We ended by singing ‘Thine be the glory’, it’s a fantastic hymn. Someone has said that death is the final enemy and that hymn just expresses the sure hope we have in Jesus so well:

Thine be the glory, risen conquering son,
Endless is the victory thou o’er death hast won
Angels in bright raiment rolled the stone away,
Kept the folded grave-clothes, where thy body lay.

Thine be the glory, risen conquering son,
Endless is the victory thou o’er death hast won

Lo! Jesus meets us, risen from the tomb;
Lovingly he greets us, scatters fear and gloom;
Let the Church with gladness hymns of triumph sing,
For her Lord now liveth; death hath lost its sting.

No more we doubt thee, glorious Prince of Life;
Life is naught without thee: aid us in our strife;
Make us more than conquerors, through thy deathless love:
Bring us safe through Jordan to they home above

But to be honest I’m glad to get to the end of January, I’ve had quite enough of funerals for a while.

Precious Memories Part 2
I’ve been remembering a few more things about my Granny – when I was at university she was my most faithful letter-writer. I think she wrote me a letter every couple of weeks, I must dig them out some day. She would always stick a few stamps into the envelope for me because she knew students weren’t exactly flush and that was just her wee contribution. When I was a kid and my parents were away, I sometimes stayed over at my Granny’s with her & my aunt. Mornings were hilarious, Granny would always be wandering into my bedroom with a wet facecloth threatening to give me a refreshing wake-up call! And one of our favourite games at Granny’s in those days was Boggle – the one where you mix up all the letters then you have 1 minute to make up as many words as possible. Aye, my Granny was always up for a bit of craic! It's strange now that she's not here anymore, even though I didn't see her as much over the last year or so because she was in a nursing home and just not always completely 'with it', she was still very much part of life - everytime I spoke to my Mum on the phone I would always be asking how Granny was. So there's a bit of a void now. And I'm sure my parents and two aunts feel it even more especially when they were so involved in caring for her.

At Granny’s funeral the minister gave a recount of her life and it was amazing just how full her life was, I hadn’t realised she’d been involved in so many organisations along with my Grandad when they were younger – the local ploughing society, Ulster Farmers’ Union, Young Farmers etc. And it’s amazing to think that she was 7 years old when the First World War started, she lived through so many changes and significant times in history and had plenty of stories and recollections to tell. It’s just made me appreciate more that the lives we’re given are precious not least because of the stories we’re given to tell. When the tsunami struck on Boxing Day ’04 – and I think I blogged about this at the time – entire villages and communities were wiped out. And with them many stories and memories were instantly wiped out too... Precious things indeed.

Precious Memories

Memories are precious things. Before Christmas I started reading Wild Swans by Jung Chang – an account of life in China as experienced by 3 generations of women – the author’s grandmother, her mother and her own story. In the foreword the author describes how it was her mother who inspired the writing of the book during her first visit abroad in 1988 to England where Jung Chang now lives. Chang’s mother had never spoken of her childhood or family before but suddenly felt an urge to share all the stories her mother’s life and her own upbringing through the turbulence of 20th century China. It was as if floodgates were being released. The result is a totally fascinating and absorbing read.

And memories have become especially relevant to me over this Christmas & New Year period as I’ve attended 2 funerals in one week. On Christmas Eve my piano teacher, Mrs Steele, died after a 4-year battle with cancer, she was 62, and then on New Year’s Eve my Granny died of pneumonia at the grand old age of 98.

My piano teacher was a wonderful woman. I started having piano lessons with her when I was 9 years old and continued up until I finished my A-levels. We were very much on the same wavelength – she had a fantastic sense of humour and I don’t think we ever had a piano lesson that didn’t involve a good bit of tittering and tee-heeing at some stage or another!

Mrs Steele was also a kindred spirit. I don’t think I realised just how much this was true until I actually finished my piano lessons with her. Whenever I came to visit her and her husband I realised just how much we shared together in terms of our faith and I appreciated more just how godly a woman she was. I think she was the kind of person whom you would know automatically of her Christian faith – her personality was just full of Jesus – and she took so much interest in people and their lives.

In terms of piano lessons Mrs Steele was an excellent teacher. We came to an ‘arrangement’ when I was about 13 years old or so having completed Initial, Grade 1 and 2 exams – that I wouldn’t do any more piano exams (because I got too nervous and stressed out) but instead I would continue to work hard and play pieces out of love for the music. It worked a treat! I relished the challenge and put my heart and soul into it. For 5 years we worked that way until I did my Grade 7 and came out with a Distinction! She brought out the best in my piano playing – I wouldn’t have got that far with any other teacher.

Mrs Steele will be missed but I know that right now she’s with her Heavenly Dad and couldn’t be in a better place.

As for my Granny, well, she was a unique one, with an adventurous spirit not known amongst many her age. On her 90th birthday the family arranged for her to get a ride in a helicopter – something she’d always wanted to do! She always wound me up about my love of speed and when she saw me off at her door she would always wink and tell me not to go too hard on the accelerator but knew rightly I would because I was an Erwin!

Granny was full of wit and actually a prolific poet – she would write poems for all sorts of occasions – some serious, many funny, some for people on their birthday or other special occasion. There was one time she even wrote a poem for the coalman about ordering coal, then she read it down the phone to him on his answering machine! At her funeral my sister Alex read out a couple of her poems. I think it was a very fitting tribute to her and reflected much of her character and sense of humour.

I’m going to quote one of her poems here, but let me fill in the background: back in 1996 my aunt and my Granny started a tradition of having a wee Christmas/New Year party with her 4 female grandchildren – myself, my 2 sisters and one of my cousins. We decided to surprise my aunt and granny by dressing up just for a laugh. Well it was a great night’s craic! We played silly games with my sister Alex cheating left, right and centre at Uno, and generally we talked a lot of rubbish, with Granny right in the middle of it and loving it all! This is what our Granny wrote a poem after the occasion…

New Year 1996 The Start of the “Wild Parties”

On 2nd January No. 12 was invaded
With wild men numbers one, two, three, four
I thoughts they were hooligans when they came thro’ the door
Or maybe some animals from Bellevue Zoo
I tell you they scared me, as I had to run to the loo
They out through the back door waving their arms
And I says to myself they must be from Greenmount Farms
Ten I saw a very good-looking guy whom I recognised as James Bond
And boy did I wish I was a beautiful blonde
Then we settled down and played some games
There wasn’t a man amongst us, just dressed up dames
We had plenty of laughs and a lot of fun
Then Ruby made tea and gave us plenty of buns
We played games with cards but they disappeared like a rocket
We found out someone was storing them in their trouser pockets!!
We had a great bit of singing we didn’t care a fig
And Old Granny greybeard tried to dance a jig
The only thing we didn’t do fine
Was ending the old year out with Auld Lang Syne
So here’s to 1996 which is this year
And we’ll meet again and why not here
So good luck, and good health for the rest of the year
Happy 1996.

Jean Erwin 1907-2005

I hate that my Granny had to go this way, but I’m glad she is not suffering any longer, and she too can finally be at peace in the arms of God. It’s all a bit strange now, it’s like the end of an era. I never knew my other grandparents – they all died before I was born. And Granny’s husband, Bobby, died just the year before I was born – he was receiving a presentation at a Ploughing Society dinner (yes such societies do exist and there are even ploughing matches at international level!), and as he stood up to make a speech he took a heart attack and fell down dead – quite a shock for everyone. I would have liked to have known him and my Mum’s parents. They’re part of who I am too. And I’m proud of them, I’m proud of being part of their family tree. What I know of them is fuelled by other people’s memories, but I’m glad I have my own of my Granny.

Babytalk
Just spent a nice weekend in Derby visiting some relatives – a cousin with a toddler, one with a 2-month old baby, and one expecting next month! So there was lots of babytalk! Despite plenty of experience in the whole field of babies (I’ve been an auntie since the age of 8, and have no less than 8 nephews and nieces), and although I love wee babies (they definitely rate high on the cute scale), I am not very maternal/broody. But I am nonetheless filled with admiration for mothers all over the world, the whole pregnancy thing is more than enough to put me off! Of course some day I could change!

Snapshots in time
It’s amazing what can happen in one week, here’s a few snapshots from the last week or so:

Saturday 19th, 4pm – I’ve just had the week off but I still feel wrecked, I’m dreading the forthcoming kids club, there’s a heaviness in my heart and soul because I don’t know where exactly I am with God; I spend an hour staring into space, numb.
Sunday 20th, 7pm – heading to church, turning right at a set of lights, from my right comes a Ford Fiesta that went through the red light and hits me side-on – all damage to the driver door. I could see him coming but couldn’t do anything about it. God is provident – he sends an angel: a friend of my housemate’s who happened to be right behind me, he calms me down and holds my hand, staying with me till the police come and I get home. Paddy the Peugeot (ok statistically those who name their cars are more likely to take better care of them than those who don’t’ name their cars!) was borderline case for being wrote-off, I’m just left with a creak in my neck and a sore back, but I am thankful. And two friends call round as soon as they hear to make sure I’m okay and keep me company. I am blessed.
Tuesday 22nd, 8pm – I agree the purchase of a house, a private sale, no estate agent involved (hee hee!). I’ve been trying to buy for more than a year now and this is one of the many houses I’ve had my eye on. It’s not over till the fat lady sings – the bubbly won’t come out until the keys are in my hands, but the prospects are good. The owners are parents of young people I work with and they are simply happy for me to get their house!
Tuesday 22nd, 9pm – my housemate gets a phonecall hearing that a close friend’s brother committed suicide, he was doing missions work overseas, another brother had been killed in a tragic accident overseas some years ago.
Wednesday 23rd, 1.30pm – I’m bombing up the M1 trying to get to Belfast on time, having to force myself to take deeper breaths to try and stop my mind racing over all the demands of work and life and to-do lists. I wonder if I’ll ever learn the discipline of being still before God, truly still, taking time to hear what he has to say, or will my mind always race, trying to second-guess my/His move?
Wednesday 23rd, 3.45pm – I bump into a good friend I haven’t seen in ages, it’s so good to see her again, and have a giggle together!
Thursday 24th, 11am – it’s chaos in the kids club I’m helping out with – kids are badgering me to help them with their badge-making and do that “funky writing” (if my art teacher could see me now!!!), paper, pens, scissors are flying randomly through the air, there’s lots of giggles and laughs with plenty of interaction between kids and leaders…then I suddenly realise I’m absolutely loving it all and I love those kids.
Thursday 24th, 3pm – I share a time of chatting about work issues, the future, faith issues and personal issues with a good friend and colleague. As we often do, we pray together, a precious time together, these times together have taught me what true fellowship is about and the value of the ministry of presence.
Friday 25th, 9pm – I share a meal with good friends, we plan to watch a DVD, but don’t quite get round to it as the craic is 90, and there’s plenty of deep discussion about life & faith…it’s another blessed communion of souls.
Sunday 27th, 10am – I hear of the death of my aunt after having battled for many years with rheumatoid arthritis and struggling more recently with a weakening heart and kidneys going into failure.

Life is definitely FULL!
What are the lessons to pull from this?
1. In all of these things, God is greater…God is GREATER! Got to hold on to that truth.
2. There’s a bigger picture. Winn Collier in this month’s Relevant magazine comments on how David, on hearing of the death of Saul, wept despite the fact that Saul had been “hell-bent on his destruction”. “For David, the death of Saul was about something far bigger than him. The real drama was not centred on the conflict between a shepherd and a king; their recent tussles were only a sub-plot to a far larger story: God…In God’s story, the purposes of monarchs and rebels and mothers and nations was singular in purpose: the glory of a great God.” I wonder to myself, what is God doing around me? What’s he up to? This week has been a very unexpected sort of week, but I’m left intrigued and even a bit excited in a strange sort of way, what’s God going to do next? Where will he reveal himself? Where will his glory be shown? Let the Kingdom COME!