Growing old?
This day last week I was feeling somewhat traumatised when I woke up – last Tuesday 6th September 2005 was the last day of my twenties. Inwardly I was screaming, “Aaaaagggghhhhh!” Part of me was thinking that surely I should have achieved more by now. I was finding it kind of scary to think that my character had pretty much been formed by now and there would be no going back. And the question bugging me was, can I really change much from now on?

But then I started thinking some more (rather inspired actually for about 9am when I still hadn’t made it out of the bed!) about some of the stuff Bono says in his book – how we’re way too obsessed with youth in our culture. He finds so much value from being around older people – people he looks up to, who have gained wisdom over time and have learned the meaning of graceful living, people like Nelson Mandela, Jonny Cash (before he died), Desmond Tutu…

And actually, I want to be like that, I want to grow old and wise. Maybe I can have more to give when I’m older, not less. Maybe there is much more to look forward to. And anyway, it’s far better to look forward than back.

It’s kind of funny because I remember about 5 years ago when I started the job with YFC in Dungannon saying that I didn’t care if I died before 30 because at least I would have lived, I would have lived to make a difference. My life, even if short, would have had some meaning. I felt so passionate about what God had called me to that in some ways I kind of looked down on people who did ‘ordinary’ jobs. I felt that I could never do a job that didn’t ‘make a difference’ in the lives of people. My journey through burnout has thankfully changed some of my attitudes with all that. I’ve learnt more abut the importance of ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’ all the time and I can see the value in any job when you’re doing what you’re called to do. In a lot of ways what I said 5 years ago is still true – I’m not scared of dying young, because I still feel I’ve lived a full life. But I guess I just don’t want to sell myself short, because age does have value despite what the culture around us says.

It struck me that that’s the way God works – He’s our Redeemer, and redeems us whatever age we are. Age is no barrier, plus God hasn’t finished with us yet, so the best is yet to come! Bring it on!